As we age, I think most people have things they’ve done that make them shudder when they remember. I have a list of them that I recall to mind when I need to take my ego down a notch. Thinking about them is my rendition of flogging. I pull these memories out of my personal failures to punish myself, and to remind myself how much I need grace from God and others. I won’t share all of them, as some are just too painful, but I would like to mention three as personal confession.
- I gave my best friend’s groom, whom I had JUST MET, the “where will you go when you die” third degree after the rehearsal dinner. I was so convinced she was about to marry a man who was not a Christian, I contemplated not being in her wedding party as protest. Ugh. I was so full of myself. I created so much drama. Shame on me.
- When I was a newlywed, we committed to support two missionary friends for $50 a month. When our start-up business failed, and we were below the poverty line, we failed to keep this commitment. At that time, I was not in charge of our finances, and I was committed to being a submissive, go-along-with-my-husband’s-leadership type of wife. But, I wish I would have nagged a little harder on this one. I always regret letting this commitment slide, and have felt deeply embarrassed by this deficit.
- I absolutely hate that I missed being a bridesmaid in my friend Deanna Pan’s wedding. I was traveling a lot at this time in my life, and I knew I had promised I’d be there for her wedding, but I was not diligent to make it happen. I got my dates mixed up, and was in the middle of the Amazon jungle when I should have been wearing a gorgeous red Chinese bridesmaid dress in her honor.
If any of my friends are reading this now, I confess I made a mess of those things. I’m sorry you had to suffer for it.
Confess your sins to each other. James 5:16