On becoming…

Thoughts fill my brain even if they aren’t filling this space recently. The house has been consuming. I thought I’d try to kick-start the writing again by sharing what’s been jigging around in my mind.

  • God sees our heart. We can’t see other’s hearts. They can’t see ours. People try to “read” hearts by outward signs and shows. We all love a good show. How many times do we guilt others (or ourselves) into looking good or keeping up appearances for the sake of what other’s will think of our hearts? Even in a quest for authenticity we try to mold others in our own transparent image. And judge them when they remain opaque.
  • I am plump. I am becoming okay with that. I am tired of weight loss conversations, so I’ve decided not to join any more of those talks. Ever. They tempt me to ingratitude, envy and self-pity. I will walk away or steer the talk away to something less triggering. Just saying.
  • I’m growing out my gray hair. I always wanted folks to take me seriously. Maybe looking my age will prove I am wise! 🙂
  • I want seminary so badly, I can taste it. Patience, my heart. Delight!
  • Does Jesus love demons?
  • Teaching 60+ girls at camp for a week, sweet. I loved that the same few rushed me after the lesson with questions. Evidence of their hunger for right living and knowing God. Heavenly Father, nurture the gifts you’ve given them. Keep the men with shovels away! No more burying the talents of girls in your American church! Grant them zeal and courage.
  • Sex at 40? Better than sex at 30. Too much information, I know.
  • Autism
  • Enjoying people. God has put some amazing women in my path. New neighbors who’ve taught me about friendliness and sharing. Providential “drop-ins” who’ve made me hope for more. A shared week with a gentle, patient and precious co-counselor who doesn’t shy away from tough biblical issues and encourages me to talk! Old friends who still like me. God loves variety, and I’ve been loving the differences in the folks around me.
  • Why did Jesus hush the talk about himself before his death and resurrection?
  •  There is wisdom I don’t know in when to speak and when to stay silent. I can be quiet when my blood boils. It just takes practice. But should I stay quiet? Injustice has always defied my good judgement and sparked spicy speech.
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3 thoughts on “On becoming…

  1. I’d say ask yourself if speaking up is going to change anyone — and even little changes count. If you don’t think so, stay quiet. Don’t speak just to get something off your chest, unless you’re having a conversation where you’re getting something off your chest. That’s what I do, but I don’t know if it’s the “wisest” thing or whatever. I’m falling back on the principle of selflessness.

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    1. Good advice. I know when my blood boils, I’m either going to speak an incredible amount of truth that no on will hear because of my tone… or I’m just going to sound foolish and won’t be heard either.

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