I have to share this tongue-in-cheek, creative site!Wife Aggro
June 30, 2008 by kbonikowsky
Wife Aggro. For the non-gamers, I will explain. Wife aggro is the term used when a wife becomes irritated with and aggressive toward her husband’s chosen activity. This hostile behavior can be expressed with sour looks, whining, revenge, nagging, yelling tirades, tears, pouting or cold shoulders. Although a gaming term, wife aggro is provoked by any number of spouse activities: football, golf, smoking, laying around, hanging out with friends, playing video games, gambling, even car washing! Any activity she doesn’t like or deem “right” can become a big red button of rage.
Since I am a wife, hence a woman, I’m going to harp on you girls. Shame on you! Shame on me! Contentious, combative behavior has no place anywhere in our marriages, no matter what the circumstance.
No amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal.
Proverbs says that a wife who shames her husband is like bone cancer. She is deadly. Her goal, whether she recognizes it or not, is to cause pain and destroy her husband. If God says rotten bones are the result of reproaching your husband, how can you think nagging will improve him? Proverbs describes the argumentative, harping wife much like the winter weather we get here in Seattle…gray and drippy wet. How can something so depressing transform your husband into Prince Charming? More likely you are going to end up with an ogre! Proverbs also says a husband would rather sleep on the sofa than be around wife aggro. Your aggressive behavior will drive him away, not endear him to you. When confronted with wife aggro, the husband will choose either fight or flight.
Proverbs 27 says that a complaining, nagging woman is unrestrainable. It is easier to harness a tornado. She is out of control. How hopeless a husband who is faced with this must feel? You may be convincing him not to change, but to avoid you. Instead of motivating him to do what you want, you are sucking the life from him and pointing him toward depression. Complaining about your spouse’s behavior will only succeed in wrecking your marriage, not improving it.
You married a man, not a child. Treat him like one.
Yes, even when you think he is acting childish, treat him like a man. What does this mean?
You don’t need to tell him right from wrong. He knows. He can decide for himself. Let him.
A man has responsibilities. This means when he does not fulfill his responsibilities, he has consequences to face. He is strong enough to face them, and will rise to the challenge. When you take over those responsibilities, he is no longer a man, but a child that you are picking up after.
You talk at a child to teach him when he is wrong, you talk with a man to understand him. Try assuming he is always right. Yes, I know you all burst into loud laughter at that thought, but really, what will it hurt but your pride to try it for a month or so? When he realizes that you expect him to be right, he will weigh his actions differently. Don’t agree to disagree, agree. I’m telling you, this is the quickest way to finding your Prince Charming. And, listening to him explain a birdie or why he chose a rogue over a warrior will transform you into his beautiful princess!
God is on your side…when you are on His.
We all live with men we want to improve. And, we all have an idea of what that improvement should look like. After all, it is much easier to see his faults than our own. But if you believe me when I say that no amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal, then you may be wondering if there is any hope at all to seeing change in this man you’ve vowed to enjoy for the rest of your life! There is!
Wives, God wants your husband to be righteous (live in the right way) more than you do! That puts God on your side! And that places your hope in the right place; not on your man, but on God. That also motivates a different kind of behavior in you. 1 Peter says that holy women in the past placed their confidence in God, and then made themselves beautiful for their husbands by putting their husband’s desires first. They found out what their husbands wanted and then got behind it. But notice, their confidence (or hope) was properly placed before they changed their behavior.
A woman who places her confidence in her husband is asking for misery, because most men (and women) will mess up. When a husband fails, a woman who placed all her hope on him, will be devastated and will become bitter. But, a woman who trusted that God will care for her and is working all things toward the best end, will find forgiveness easy to give and will worry less for her future. She is able to support her husband, even in his failure, because her strength is in God.
Let me explain how this looked in my marriage.
My husband’s dream early in our marriage was to own a successful small business. This meant he had to raise money that we did not have. Well, I worried. How would we pay it back if the business failed? Is it right to borrow so much? The old adage, “Neither borrower nor lender be…” echoed round and round. I nagged him about it. I questioned him countless times about the rightness of it. I did not support his decisions. Then, I woke one night sweating and panicking, terrified of the life of debt he was leading us into. A verse whispered to me from my memory, “When I am afraid, I will trust.” And that was my rebuke and my salvation. I did not trust God enough to obey my husband in a beautiful way. That night I confessed my doubts and proved my faith in God by supporting my husband’s efforts and working my ass off however I could to ensure success. My fear evaporated and so did my wife aggro.
Let God do the changing. Don’t get in the way.
God wants my husband to be godly more than I do. But, the change did not happen in a comfortable way. What change does? For us, change only happened through a failed business and many years of paying off debt. But in the trials, godliness began to take shape. I noticed my husband learning lessons with humility. And surprisingly, so was I. When I stopped being a disagreeable, nagging wife, I was opening the door for God to change my husband for me.
Many times, it takes failure or bad consequences to prod us into changing. As wives, we fear God spanking our husbands because we know it will hurt us too! So we nag and warn and try to motivate them to change without letting God simply bust in and do some discipline, if that is what it takes.
If you are a Christian wife who recognizes you are giving your husband wife aggro, will you begin to trust God and learn to be beautiful by getting behind your husband’s desires instead of blasting them? God will bless you both when you do.
The Forgotten Virtue of Frugality
June 25, 2008 by kbonikowsky
In today’s climate of pending financial recession (Pending, because economists say we aren’t receding yet), we could do with some old fashioned frugality. For those of you who don’t carry a dictionary around on your ipod, frugality is being thrifty with your expenses; making a little go a long way; prudently saving and sparing what you have.
At the start of our nation, frugality was celebrated and admired. The biographer of John Adams notes how often Adams praised his wife for her frugal ways, and points out that most men at this point in history esteemed prudent economy. Those who lived liberally and beyond their means were cautioned and avoided. Not so today. We disdain sparse living and idolize luxury. We compliment large “borrowed” purchases and embrace extravagant living.
Waste not, want not
At the core of frugal living is saving; not using too much, or re-using and storing what you already have. Be sensible and store up precious treasures – don’t waste them like a fool. (Proverbs 21:20)
My grandmother, like most women her age that weathered The Great Depression, stockpiled the silliest things: egg cartons, pill bottles, baby food jars, buttons… My mom inherited coffee canisters and cigar boxes labeled with my grandma’s shaky writing full of miscellanea she collected through the years. Why? Because she hated to waste something she may find a use for. I admit, her re-using knack rubbed off on me and I have a pile of “scrap” paper I refuse to toss until both sides have been utilized. Yes, her house was cluttered, but she limited her purchases by creatively re-using what she already had.
Why use two feet of toilet paper, when four squares will do? Do you reach for a paper towel, or use a dishrag that you can wash and re-use again? Do you teach your children to cap their markers so as not to waste the ink? Do they fill up every page of the coloring book? Do you save unfinished morsels for later or toss them? If you have spare change, must you squander it on sweets or do you save it until you’ve a good amount?
Habits of a frugal life
In Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster suggests ten controlling principles to living simply. I’ll share the ones I believe apply to thriftiness.
- Buy useful things, not status symbols. Suze Orman, financial guru, owns one pair of earrings because that is all she needs! Honestly! Take a look at her pictures. Must I spend extra for the pricey label? Is the luxury really necessary? Can I teach myself to value saving the money over spending to show-off?
- Reject addictive items. Financial advise tips always mention cutting the lattes to save on your budget. Its true. Those $4.00 delights add up! So does alcohol. Proverbs says that those who live for pleasure will not own much in the long run. What pleasure is stealing you blind?
- Refuse the propaganda of modern gadgetry, especially in the area of children’s toys and baby “necessities”. Do we need expensive kitchen gadgets when the cheap hand operated tools will do? Do you weigh the usefulness (ie, how many times you’ll implement the item) before buying? Gadgets more often than not, end up in the garage. I personally buy most of my kid’s toys at thrift stores or garage sales. I’ve learned that I waste money every time buying a high priced toy. They’re played with once, then ignored. And we laugh at the adage, “My kid had more fun with the box than the toy!” But why don’t we take it to heart? Pick up some big boxes for free. Add markers, paper and tape and your kids will be happy for a whole afternoon! I always changed my babies on the bed or floor. I hated the thought of spending money on a senseless changing table. And I won’t get started on wipe warmers, bottle disinfectors, baby Nikes, extravagant infant toys, etc! We simply don’t need a lot of gear to raise a baby. We simply don’t need what the advertisers say we can’t live without.
- Learn to enjoy things without owning them. Share something with friends or use public objects. Must we own all the Disney movies, or collect every hardback a favorite author wrote? Can I share X-box games and gadgets with friends? Can I enjoy nature on my two feet instead of a four-wheeler?
Take care of what you own
Proverbs 12:27 contrasts a lazy man who doesn’t bother to cook his food with the diligence of the wise man who values what he owns. How often to I see possessions squandered? A child’s bike lays rusting in the yard. Care of the family vehicle is neglected, under the hood and under the seats. What happened to shoe polishing and sock darning? Our mentality has become, “Why bother with the work of upkeep, when I can just buy a new one?” This is the antithesis to frugal living and reveals how lazy our society has become.
The simple life
Consider. In Bible times, a second set of clothing was a mark of wealth. Two meals a day was the norm, but many lived on just one. Their meals were simple. They ate bread, fruit in season and occasionally fish. Meat was for celebrations. Wine was watered down to make it last. Jesus never owned a house. Giving water to a stranger was an act of kindness. Jesus and his family slept very comfortably on a mat, on the floor, in the same room.
Times have changed. People have not. The Son of God chose to live in a time marked by simplicity of life. He lived sinless without extravagance. If my goal is to live like Him in this modern era, it puts my “things” and things I think I need into proper perspective. Fashion, though fun, is not a must. Extravagant meals, though certainly enjoyable, are not for everyday. Renting is okay. I don’t have to give above my means, water will do if that’s all I can offer. I can survive without a Tempurpedic and privacy. If Jesus is my ideal, my “ideals” probably need a good one-over.
Ben Franklin, a man of his time sums it up. “Waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality, nothing will do, and with them everything.”
Rumor has it…
June 21, 2008 by kbonikowsky
If you are a part of my family or close circle of friends, then chances are good you’ve heard me rant about spam email forwards inciting fear, slander or lies. Here’s a few examples:
Barak Obama is a racial Muslim who refuses to to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
Cell phone uses must register their numbers in the Do Not Call registry to prevent telemarketers.
Walmart is being boycotted by Planned Parenthood because it refuses to sell the morning after pill.
Philippians 4 encourages Christians to focus on the truth. How often do we waste thought and emotion on rumors, and then pass along the misinformation as idle gossip?
One resource I utilize in searching for the truth is snopes.com. At the top left of google’s homepage is a news link to narrow your search to recently reported items. Using the search box at Associated Press or Fox News is also a great way to read the news for yourself to decide if you agree with the email’s spin, and to help decide whether it is truthful and worth sharing.
Following up on a forwarded email takes me no more than five minutes. I think the time is spent well if I can spare my loved ones anxiety over their insides being eaten away by Coke. The truth is out there, now go find it!
