Wife Aggro
Wife Aggro. For the non-gamers, I will explain. Wife aggro is the term used when a wife becomes irritated with and aggressive toward her husband’s chosen activity. This hostile behavior can be expressed with sour looks, whining, revenge, nagging, yelling tirades, tears, pouting or cold shoulders. Although a gaming term, wife aggro is provoked by any number of spouse activities: football, golf, smoking, laying around, hanging out with friends, playing video games, gambling, even car washing! Any activity she doesn’t like or deem “right” can become a big red button of rage.
Since I am a wife, hence a woman, I’m going to harp on you girls. Shame on you! Shame on me! Contentious, combative behavior has no place anywhere in our marriages, no matter what the circumstance.
No amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal.
Proverbs says that a wife who shames her husband is like bone cancer. She is deadly. Her goal, whether she recognizes it or not, is to cause pain and destroy her husband. If God says rotten bones are the result of reproaching your husband, how can you think nagging will improve him? Proverbs describes the argumentative, harping wife much like the winter weather we get here in Seattle…gray and drippy wet. How can something so depressing transform your husband into Prince Charming? More likely you are going to end up with an ogre! Proverbs also says a husband would rather sleep on the sofa than be around wife aggro. Your aggressive behavior will drive him away, not endear him to you. When confronted with wife aggro, the husband will choose either fight or flight.
Proverbs 27 says that a complaining, nagging woman is unrestrainable. It is easier to harness a tornado. She is out of control. How hopeless a husband who is faced with this must feel? You may be convincing him not to change, but to avoid you. Instead of motivating him to do what you want, you are sucking the life from him and pointing him toward depression. Complaining about your spouse’s behavior will only succeed in wrecking your marriage, not improving it.
You married a man, not a child. Treat him like one.
Yes, even when you think he is acting childish, treat him like a man. What does this mean?
You don’t need to tell him right from wrong. He knows. He can decide for himself. Let him.
A man has responsibilities. This means when he does not fulfill his responsibilities, he has consequences to face. He is strong enough to face them, and will rise to the challenge. When you take over those responsibilities, he is no longer a man, but a child that you are picking up after.
You talk at a child to teach him when he is wrong, you talk with a man to understand him. Try assuming he is always right. Yes, I know you all burst into loud laughter at that thought, but really, what will it hurt but your pride to try it for a month or so? When he realizes that you expect him to be right, he will weigh his actions differently. Don’t agree to disagree, agree. I’m telling you, this is the quickest way to finding your Prince Charming. And, listening to him explain a birdie or why he chose a rogue over a warrior will transform you into his beautiful princess!
God is on your side…when you are on His.
We all live with men we want to improve. And, we all have an idea of what that improvement should look like. After all, it is much easier to see his faults than our own. But if you believe me when I say that no amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal, then you may be wondering if there is any hope at all to seeing change in this man you’ve vowed to enjoy for the rest of your life! There is!
Wives, God wants your husband to be righteous (live in the right way) more than you do! That puts God on your side! And that places your hope in the right place; not on your man, but on God. That also motivates a different kind of behavior in you. 1 Peter says that holy women in the past placed their confidence in God, and then made themselves beautiful for their husbands by putting their husband’s desires first. They found out what their husbands wanted and then got behind it. But notice, their confidence (or hope) was properly placed before they changed their behavior.
A woman who places her confidence in her husband is asking for misery, because most men (and women) will mess up. When a husband fails, a woman who placed all her hope on him, will be devastated and will become bitter. But, a woman who trusted that God will care for her and is working all things toward the best end, will find forgiveness easy to give and will worry less for her future. She is able to support her husband, even in his failure, because her strength is in God.
Let me explain how this looked in my marriage.
My husband’s dream early in our marriage was to own a successful small business. This meant he had to raise money that we did not have. Well, I worried. How would we pay it back if the business failed? Is it right to borrow so much? The old adage, “Neither borrower nor lender be…” echoed round and round. I nagged him about it. I questioned him countless times about the rightness of it. I did not support his decisions. Then, I woke one night sweating and panicking, terrified of the life of debt he was leading us into. A verse whispered to me from my memory, “When I am afraid, I will trust.” And that was my rebuke and my salvation. I did not trust God enough to obey my husband in a beautiful way. That night I confessed my doubts and proved my faith in God by supporting my husband’s efforts and working my ass off however I could to ensure success. My fear evaporated and so did my wife aggro.
Let God do the changing. Don’t get in the way.
God wants my husband to be godly more than I do. But, the change did not happen in a comfortable way. What change does? For us, change only happened through a failed business and many years of paying off debt. But in the trials, godliness began to take shape. I noticed my husband learning lessons with humility. And surprisingly, so was I. When I stopped being a disagreeable, nagging wife, I was opening the door for God to change my husband for me.
Many times, it takes failure or bad consequences to prod us into changing. As wives, we fear God spanking our husbands because we know it will hurt us too! So we nag and warn and try to motivate them to change without letting God simply bust in and do some discipline, if that is what it takes.
If you are a Christian wife who recognizes you are giving your husband wife aggro, will you begin to trust God and learn to be beautiful by getting behind your husband’s desires instead of blasting them? God will bless you both when you do.
The Forgotten Virtue of Frugality
In today’s climate of pending financial recession (Pending, because economists say we aren’t receding yet), we could do with some old fashioned frugality. For those of you who don’t carry a dictionary around on your ipod, frugality is being thrifty with your expenses; making a little go a long way; prudently saving and sparing what you have.
At the start of our nation, frugality was celebrated and admired. The biographer of John Adams notes how often Adams praised his wife for her frugal ways, and points out that most men at this point in history esteemed prudent economy. Those who lived liberally and beyond their means were cautioned and avoided. Not so today. We disdain sparse living and idolize luxury. We compliment large “borrowed” purchases and embrace extravagant living.
Waste not, want not
At the core of frugal living is saving; not using too much, or re-using and storing what you already have. Be sensible and store up precious treasures – don’t waste them like a fool. (Proverbs 21:20)
My grandmother, like most women her age that weathered The Great Depression, stockpiled the silliest things: egg cartons, pill bottles, baby food jars, buttons… My mom inherited coffee canisters and cigar boxes labeled with my grandma’s shaky writing full of miscellanea she collected through the years. Why? Because she hated to waste something she may find a use for. I admit, her re-using knack rubbed off on me and I have a pile of “scrap” paper I refuse to toss until both sides have been utilized. Yes, her house was cluttered, but she limited her purchases by creatively re-using what she already had.
Why use two feet of toilet paper, when four squares will do? Do you reach for a paper towel, or use a dishrag that you can wash and re-use again? Do you teach your children to cap their markers so as not to waste the ink? Do they fill up every page of the coloring book? Do you save unfinished morsels for later or toss them? If you have spare change, must you squander it on sweets or do you save it until you’ve a good amount?
Habits of a frugal life
In Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster suggests ten controlling principles to living simply. I’ll share the ones I believe apply to thriftiness.
- Buy useful things, not status symbols. Suze Orman, financial guru, owns one pair of earrings because that is all she needs! Honestly! Take a look at her pictures. Must I spend extra for the pricey label? Is the luxury really necessary? Can I teach myself to value saving the money over spending to show-off?
- Reject addictive items. Financial advise tips always mention cutting the lattes to save on your budget. Its true. Those $4.00 delights add up! So does alcohol. Proverbs says that those who live for pleasure will not own much in the long run. What pleasure is stealing you blind?
- Refuse the propaganda of modern gadgetry, especially in the area of children’s toys and baby “necessities”. Do we need expensive kitchen gadgets when the cheap hand operated tools will do? Do you weigh the usefulness (ie, how many times you’ll implement the item) before buying? Gadgets more often than not, end up in the garage. I personally buy most of my kid’s toys at thrift stores or garage sales. I’ve learned that I waste money every time buying a high priced toy. They’re played with once, then ignored. And we laugh at the adage, “My kid had more fun with the box than the toy!” But why don’t we take it to heart? Pick up some big boxes for free. Add markers, paper and tape and your kids will be happy for a whole afternoon! I always changed my babies on the bed or floor. I hated the thought of spending money on a senseless changing table. And I won’t get started on wipe warmers, bottle disinfectors, baby Nikes, extravagant infant toys, etc! We simply don’t need a lot of gear to raise a baby. We simply don’t need what the advertisers say we can’t live without.
- Learn to enjoy things without owning them. Share something with friends or use public objects. Must we own all the Disney movies, or collect every hardback a favorite author wrote? Can I share X-box games and gadgets with friends? Can I enjoy nature on my two feet instead of a four-wheeler?
Take care of what you own
Proverbs 12:27 contrasts a lazy man who doesn’t bother to cook his food with the diligence of the wise man who values what he owns. How often to I see possessions squandered? A child’s bike lays rusting in the yard. Care of the family vehicle is neglected, under the hood and under the seats. What happened to shoe polishing and sock darning? Our mentality has become, “Why bother with the work of upkeep, when I can just buy a new one?” This is the antithesis to frugal living and reveals how lazy our society has become.
The simple life
Consider. In Bible times, a second set of clothing was a mark of wealth. Two meals a day was the norm, but many lived on just one. Their meals were simple. They ate bread, fruit in season and occasionally fish. Meat was for celebrations. Wine was watered down to make it last. Jesus never owned a house. Giving water to a stranger was an act of kindness. Jesus and his family slept very comfortably on a mat, on the floor, in the same room.
Times have changed. People have not. The Son of God chose to live in a time marked by simplicity of life. He lived sinless without extravagance. If my goal is to live like Him in this modern era, it puts my “things” and things I think I need into proper perspective. Fashion, though fun, is not a must. Extravagant meals, though certainly enjoyable, are not for everyday. Renting is okay. I don’t have to give above my means, water will do if that’s all I can offer. I can survive without a Tempurpedic and privacy. If Jesus is my ideal, my “ideals” probably need a good one-over.
Ben Franklin, a man of his time sums it up. “Waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality, nothing will do, and with them everything.”
Rumor has it…
If you are a part of my family or close circle of friends, then chances are good you’ve heard me rant about spam email forwards inciting fear, slander or lies. Here’s a few examples:
Barak Obama is a racial Muslim who refuses to to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
Cell phone uses must register their numbers in the Do Not Call registry to prevent telemarketers.
Walmart is being boycotted by Planned Parenthood because it refuses to sell the morning after pill.
Philippians 4 encourages Christians to focus on the truth. How often do we waste thought and emotion on rumors, and then pass along the misinformation as idle gossip?
One resource I utilize in searching for the truth is snopes.com. At the top left of google’s homepage is a news link to narrow your search to recently reported items. Using the search box at Associated Press or Fox News is also a great way to read the news for yourself to decide if you agree with the email’s spin, and to help decide whether it is truthful and worth sharing.
Following up on a forwarded email takes me no more than five minutes. I think the time is spent well if I can spare my loved ones anxiety over their insides being eaten away by Coke. The truth is out there, now go find it!
My beliefs about demonic activity (Part 3)
Please read my intro to this post here (part 1) and here (part 2).
Why do I believe World of Warcraft (WoW) is an acceptable activity? The answer is found in answering these questions.
Does playing World of Warcraft open my life up to special demonic attention?
In the first two blogs on this topic, I detailed why I believe proximity to the occult and magic does not open up a special portal in my life to demonic activity. I believe the mundane tactics of the devil are more dangerous and pervasive than the frightening aspects of occult activity. Demonic possession and oppression are a result of either godly living (see Job), repeated rebellion (see King Saul) or active pursuit of spirit contact (see New Testament), not passive contact with objects or practices. I realize there are a few more stories from the New Testament I could have expounded on. Maybe in one more post…
Superstition is a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing, circumstance, occurrence, proceeding, or the like. I believe much of the fear of the demonic world is superstition. It is not based on Biblical revelation, but on worldly speculation and, in many cases, occultic lore and demonology. To not play WoW because I fear demons are more likely to oppress me, would be superstitious.
Is playing World of Warcraft equal to practicing witchcraft?
Answering this question is where many Christians experience a prickling conscience. If after, studying the Scriptures and the mechanics of the game, you still believe in an affirmative answer, then you would do right to abstain. For, whatever cannot be done in good conscience, is sin.
First, a quick synopsis of the game:
World of Warcraft play begins by creating a character or “toon” that you control in a virtual world. This character interacts with other characters that are controlled by other players and with non-player characters that are programed as part of the game. You choose its gender, name and look. You choose its race, and since WoW is set in a fantasy environment, all the fantasy races are present: trolls, orcs, humans, elves, gnomes, etc. You choose the role that it will play in the game. This gives you different abilities based on how you want to experience the game. A warrior’s abilities are all about protecting the group through engaging the enemies away from those players who are easily hurt. A priest heals and can bring other players back to life. A rouge has abilities to stealth and attack its enemies subtlety with poison and trickery. A warlock’s abilities are rooted in the dark powers, taming demons as pets and trapping souls. Shamans use totems to gain special abilities to create an edge in “winning” the game.
WoW has numerous ways to play the game. You can choose to quest. This means you follow instructions given by the non-player characters in the game following a story line to receive rewards for completing the quest. The rewards can be food, drink, special items, armor, weapons or gold. You can choose to match your game skills against other players in player versus player combat. The point is to kill their toon before they can kill you. You can choose to work on different skill sets like sewing, smithing, enchanting, alchemy, etc. These skills increase the potency of your play. You can share these skills with others, too. You can choose to adventure into the elite areas of the game by forming 25 man teams to destroy “bosses” based on the story line. This requires great skill (The skill is in knowing when to hit the right buttons. There are hundreds of choices you must make per fight. Doing this successfully determines your skill.) and can take months to coordinate a successful battle strategy; not to mention, real-life skills in diplomacy, human relations, and leadership! Because, after all, there is a human behind the toon you see on the screen.
WoW is a community based game. This means, you are building friendships with others players. My husband and I have been leaders in our guild, Liquid Courage, for the last 3 years. We have formed numerous friendships that have spawned real-life friendships and job opportunities with those we game with. Its rather like a baseball team or Rotary club. Our guild is a group of friends who share common interests and adventures.
Now for the Bible study…
My study is in Deut 18:9-12 since this is the verse most often quoted as a reason to avoid fantasy. My Hebrew translation says, “..you are not to learn how to follow (6213 Strongs) the abominable practices of those nations.” God then details what those practices are. Other versions put it this way:
“Thou shalt not learn to do… (KJV)” ”You shall not learn to follow…(Amplified)” “You shall not learn to imitate…(NAS)” “Do not learn to imitate…(NIV)”
This is the Hebrew word asah. It can mean, depending on context: made, accomplish, idea of creating, bear, become, do, dress, execute, fashion, go about, observe, offer, bring to pass, perform, practice, serve, use. This word was translated in other verses in the following ways:
Gen 1:7 “God made the expanse (sky).”
Gen 1:11 “Let the …fruit trees bearing fruit after their kind.”
Gen 4:10 The Lord says to Cain, “What have you done?”
Ex 1:17 “But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt had commanded them…”
There are hundreds of times this word is used in the Old Testament. It would take a huge study to understand the full meaning. But from a cursory study, I believe that the interpretation of “pretend to do” does not fit with the true meaning of asah: “to do.” The Israelites were commanded not to do the practice of sorcery, mediums, astrology, divination, etc…
So does playing a game fall into the parameters of doing (accomplishing, executing, bring to pass, practice, perform) forbidden practices?
WoW is played with a mouse and keyboard, and usually a way to voice chat with other players over the internet. You click on icons to perform actions, or use key strokes. If you decide to go all out, playing well involves a lot of math and logic! Since the game is rooted in computer programming, everything revolves around numbers and values. When doing research, I often have to utilize a calculator and scribble out addition to see how I can play the game better. I say this to show how foreign magic is to the actual game play. The story line is about a fantasy world, much like a novel or comic book. But playing is mechanical and rational, not an actual reenactment of spell-casting or the like.
The reality of my life is that: I do not seek revenge on others by throwing a curse. I do not weave a spell. I say no magical incantation. I do not travel to a holy (or unholy) place. I do not allow a spirit to inhabit my body. I do not draw magical symbols. I do not converse with the dead. I do not allow the stars to guide my life. I do not seek spiritual advice from spirits or the dead. I am not practicing, following or imitating (asah) the occult.
And interesting note; not proof of fact, but I’ll include it for the interest factor. My pastor inquired of a few Wiccans to get their take on WoW. Does it portray the occult accurately, or is a way for them to recruit/ proselytize? They laughed at him, and told him the game was fantasy, not reality! It has no inherent connection to the magics they do (asah) in real life.
Therefore, I do not believe playing World of Warcraft is equal to practicing withcraft. I am not a sorcerer. I am not even pretending to be a sorcerer as an actor in a movie would. My mind does not even have to dwell on the magics, formulas, rituals a sorcerer-actor would have to do to portray one accurately. I talk to real life people, move my mouse around, hit a sequence of buttons that maximizes my goals in the game, and try to bring people closer to a relationship with their real-life creator by being kind, loving, self-sacrificing, giving, friendly, encouraging as a real person playing in a fantasy world.
Tim Schmoyer wrote a terrific series of articles (Scroll down the page a bit to get the articles.) answering basic questions about the game from a Christian perspective. I encourage you to read it if you want to further your understanding of the game.
Stumble It!
